July 11, 2012

Why don't people tell the truth anymore?

We're big advocates for speaking honestly in and about close relationships. In counseling thousands of couples, we've seen an incredible amount of destruction wrought by hiding significant truths. Why do so many of us find it so hard to speak honestly in our intimate relationships? In our Couples Course, we put a big piece of paper on the wall, and invited participants to list all the reasons they had used to avoid telling some significant truth in a close relationship. Here's the Top 15:

1. I don't want to hurt your feelings.
2. It wasn't important (*referring to a 'one-night stand' infidelity.)
3. You won't be able to handle it.
4. This is not the right time.
5. I'll tell you when I figure it out.
6. I feel dumb (foolish) (embarrassed) telling you.
7. I should be able to handle this myself.
8. You must be tired of hearing the same thing.
9. You don't share so I won't.
10. I'm afraid you will get mad (sad) (afraid).
11. You're in a good mood and I don't want to bring you down.
12. I'm figuring out how to word it so I don't push your buttons
(*referring to confessing a sexual affair.)
13. You won't like me when you hear it.
14. Everything will unravel if I tell you about this.

15. You'll reject me or leave me if I tell you.

Here's hoping this list inspires us all to be more impeccable about speaking honestly!

Have you been on the receiving end or the speaking end of any other excuses for not speaking the truth? If so, please let us know so we can add to the list.

Founders, The Hendricks Institute; Authors, 'Conscious Loving,' 'Attracting Genuine Love,' 'Five Wishes,' 'The Corporate Mystic

Note:  Wonderful short video for those that enjoy a good animated film.

The Wee Few Thoughts of Dylan the Dog 

I am just a dog but I even know what being a liar means.  Like the day the border collie down the road was talking to me in the park.  He told me his human feeds him real steak every day.  I told him I didn't think that what he said was the truth.  So then he says, "Well every time he has steak he gives me half."  I said, "That isn't even true!"   Then he says, "Truth is he gave me one piece of gristle last winter."  I shook his paw and congratulated him for telling the truth.  I understood  why he had such a hard time telling the truth from an article I read here.   Just cause I don't have opposable thumbs doesn't mean I can't read!

Note:  The bunny and kitty picture as well as the one of Pinocchio  and Jimmy Cricket can be taken from common download sites.  The one of my dog, Dylan, was taken by myself in my old Long Island Apartment.